What Does Mom Burnout Look Like?
And Why It’s Not Just in Your Head
Mom Burnout 101: What It Looks Like and How Therapy Can Help You Heal
Mom burnout is real—and it’s more than just “being tired.” It’s a state of deep emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion that builds slowly and then, all at once, feels impossible to climb out of. It often goes unrecognized because it gets normalized—brushed off as “just part of being a mom.”
I’m pushing back against the messaging that tells women to keep sacrificing themselves for the good of everyone else. This idea—that a mother’s worth is measured by how much she gives up—is not only outdated, it’s harmful. It’s a carryover from generations where women were expected to stay silent, suppress their needs, submit and accept exhaustion as a fact of life.
And while the world has changed in many ways, that message hasn’t. It just got quieter, more polished, wrapped in language about being selfless, strong, or “doing it all.” But the outcome is the same: women burning out, isolated, and feeling like they’re failing when they’re actually just being asked to do the impossible.
This kind of pressure isn’t just personal—it’s systemic. It upholds a culture that depends on women’s unpaid emotional labor and thrives when we don’t question it. The more we normalize this level of sacrifice, the longer these systems stay in place.
We can’t keep carrying expectations that were never meant to support us. It’s time to name what isn’t working, reclaim our right to rest and support, and stop pretending that silence is strength.
Here’s what mom burnout can look like (though it’s different for everyone):
Mentally, You Might Feel:
Foggy, distracted, or forgetful
Like you're always behind, no matter how much you do
Overwhelmed by small decisions
Like you're failing, even when you're doing your best
Emotionally, You Might Feel:
Irritable, anxious, or on edge
Easily triggered or emotionally reactive
Guilty for not “loving every moment”
Resentful of your partner, kids, family and friends
Numb or disconnected from joy
Sad or on the verge of tears
Like you’ve lost yourself in motherhood
🧍♀️ Physically, You Might Experience:
Constant fatigue that sleep doesn’t fix
Headaches, migraines, muscle tension, or stomach issues
Unresolved or chronic injuries from prior pregnancy or birth
Changes in appetite or sleep
Coping with unwanted behaviors
Feeling “wired but tired”
A sense that your body is always bracing
Burnout Looks Different for Everyone
Burnout doesn’t always scream—it often whispers.
Maybe it’s crying in the car before pickup. Maybe it’s lying awake at night thinking about everything you forgot. Maybe its judging yourself harshly for the house being a mess. Maybe it’s a low-level feeling of dread before another day begins.
If this sounds familiar, know this: You’re not broken. And you’re not alone.
What Burnout Isn’t:
❌ It’s not a sign you’re ungrateful
❌ It’s not a lack of love for your children
❌ It’s not a failure
❌ It’s not “just part of the job”
It’s a signal. A call for support, repair, and rest.
Your Nervous System Plays a Role (Enter: Polyvagal Theory)
How you experience burnout is deeply tied to your nervous system—how it responds to stress, threat, and exhaustion. Polyvagal Theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, helps us understand this.
Your autonomic nervous system has three main states:
Ventral vagal (social engagement—regulated, calm, connected)
Sympathetic (fight or flight—mobilized energy or anxious, reactive, overdoing)
Dorsal vagal (freeze or shutdown—rest and digest or numb, exhausted, disconnected)
Burnout often shows up as a mix of sympathetic overdrive (hypervigilance, snapping at everything) and dorsal shutdown (collapse, hopelessness). If you feel like you’re swinging between the two—or stuck in one—that’s your nervous system doing its best to protect you.
This isn’t a mindset issue. It’s a nervous system issue.
Learn more about Polyvagal Theory at polyvagalinstitute.org and shout out to therapist and trainer Deb Dana for deepening my understanding.(Credit: Polyvagal Institute)
Maybe You Don’t Need More Coping Skills — Maybe You Need to Go Deeper
Maybe what feels “off” isn’t that you don’t have enough coping tools. Maybe what you really need is space to process—to slow down and understand what's happening under the hood of your overwhelm.
If you've tried breathing techniques, affirmations, or ‘talking to yourself like you would a friend’ and still feel like they miss the mark, it could be because they're never reaching the root. It might be that your nervous system is overloaded, that you're running on empty, or that the emotional pain is so deep that mere distraction can't shift it.
When you’re constantly triggered—whether by tantrums, fights with your partner, or relentless demands—you may be cycling into immobilization (freeze) or hyperarousal (fight/flight) without ever accessing that sweet spot of social engagement—getting to be there for your life happening right now and possibly savor it.
What This Means for You as a Mom
When panic or irritability hits, it isn’t a personal failing. It’s your nervous system doing its job—but in survival mode.
When you shut down, drift through the day, or feel disconnected, that’s likely your dorsal vagal (freeze) state taking over.
When you feel calm, socially connected—even fleetingly—that’s your ventral vagal system at work: to support you to feel safe, present, and able to connect.
Instead of layering on more “survival tips,” let’s work out what state your nervous system defaults to, understand how this has helped you get through things in the past—and help you move toward more time in that social engagement zone. That’s where authentic coping—and even enjoyment—can live.
Shift from Surviving to Understanding
This isn't about mastering a technique—it's about understanding your neuroception, the way your system unconsciously scans for cues of safety and threat. When you get curious about what shifts you into stress, what helps you return to a regulated state, and what triggers repeatedly trigger overwhelm, you begin to:
Recalibrate your internal sense of safety
Shift unconscious expectations about motherhood
Move from guilt or punishing to genuine compassion for your human experience
That deeper understanding isn’t optional—it’s the foundation for real, sustainable change.
Tools That Fit Real Life (Not Superhero Mom Standards)
Yes, you’ll find practical strategies that work with your schedule and exhaustion level—not against it:
Tune into micro-shifts: noticing when your body tenses before things spiral
Simple techniques to use in a variety of situations to tone vagal nerve, stimulate regulation and access ventral state
Companionable presence: generating calm through relationships and within ourselves
These are not magic pills—they’re responsive, bottom-up interventions that start with your body and engage curiosity so that we might build a closer relationship with our self - not with a promise that you’ll be “fixed.”
Specialized Therapy Can Help Support Moms
Burnout isn’t something you have to push through. And it isn’t something you can “self-care” your way out of alone.
In therapy, we can:
Make sense of what your burnout is trying to tell you and discover those unmet needs
Process underlying experiences that sap your energy
Identify nervous system patterns and begin to shift them
Identify barriers to asking for help
Learning to trust others and not always bracing for disappointment
Rebuild a sense of self beyond the roles you carry
Create boundaries that protect your energy
Explore tools for regulation, rest, and realistic coping
Build capacity for rest, connection, and joy—even in the chaos
You’re not just coping. You’re rebuilding. Finding refuge in the reality of your nervous system and the context of modern motherhood.
Curious About Brainspotting?
One tool I turn to again and again with mothers is Brainspotting—a gentle, effective way to process deep emotional patterns, recover from overwhelm, and retrain your nervous system to sustain regulation.
If you want to know more, visit my Brainspotting page or schedule a free consultation to explore whether this might be the kind of processing you've been missing.
Coming Soon: Emotional Regulation Skills Video Blog
Know more about whats informing your burnout and want tools that are easy to use in your chaos?
Stay tuned for my Emotional Regulation Skills video blog series—designed to give you:
Adaptable strategies you can use in the car line, at bedtime, or during a meltdown
Nervous-system-aligned exercises rooted in polyvagal principles
Simple, practical demos so you don’t have to wade through dense theory
Burnout is not your fault. But you can find a way through it.
If motherhood feels heavier than you ever expected, it’s not a reflection of your strength. It’s a reflection of a culture that overburdens and undersupports caregivers—especially mothers.
Maybe what you need isn’t another tool—it’s your experience held, understood, and worked through. That's what truly shifts overwhelm.
If you’re in Baltimore and you’re done with quick fixes—ready for real processing, deeper understanding, and sustainable change—you’re in the right place. My practice offers specialized support for moms with therapy in Baltimore rooted in the mind-body wisdom of polyvagal theory—and tempered by compassion and realism.
Ready for Different Kind of Relief?
Book your free consultation and let’s begin from your system, not your to-do list.
References
Overview of Polyvagal Theory and states: polyvagalinstitute.org
